Last week I told about my experience as an arsonist with my good friend Kevin down at Lequire. Well, I don’t think its arson when it is an abandoned and condemned house owned by the guy who you are helping set it afire. Kevin and I have other episodes that did not turn out quite like we planned. They may have seemed like a good idea at the time but, well, let’s just say they did not always have the desired outcome.
As a rancher, Kevin and I had lots of things to make a day pass with humor. There were working and vaccinating cattle, feeding cattle, cutting, raking and bailing hay, later moving the hay so we could eventually feed the hay. We have been stuck in the mud too many times to count, and it always ended with who was going to call Kevin’s dad to come and rescue us.
One of the things common to ranchers is an endless task of fixing fence. Sometimes it was barbed wire and sometimes it was electric or both! Kevin had a pasture he bought, and it was divided up for rotational grazing. As the project was coming to a close, the fence’s corner posts, end posts and gate post had to be painted. Kevin came by one afternoon and asked if I would like to help. Well, I was finished with the task I had been working on and said, “Sure.” So I put on an old pair of overalls, jumped in the truck and we headed off to the pasture. I asked where the brushes were and found out we were just rubbing it on with a big cotton glove. Kind of like the old white washing method only this paint was black…flat black.
We started at one end and got the posts painted going the north/ south direction. Then we started on the section running from east to west. About halfway down the pasture we got to the post holding the gate and then to the post taking the fence on the west.
We got to the west end, and there the fence joined on to another north/south section. However, this fence did not belong to Kevin but another rancher in the area. This fence had five strands of barbed wire and now there was a new addition. There was a single wire. It was electric (this will come into play in just a few minutes).
We start the painting and as we were getting to the end Kevin mentioned that I should take great caution around the electric fence. This rancher was known to have the “hottest” fences in Haskell County.
Check! I got it. I have been around lots of electric fences. And yes, some did in fact hurt if you got in them. So I am painting quite cautiously, taking great care not to get in the fence.
As we are finishing up, we are very deep in conversation about I have no idea what. I have my left hand on the steel pipe post and am bending down to paint the bottom part with my right hand keeping my eye on the fence in front of me.
I’m not quite sure of the order of the next events, but let’s just say it burned a place in my memory (and backside!). Watching the fence in front of me, holding the pipe, I rotate to finish painting the bottom of the fence propping myself with my knee and swing my….derriere…right into the wire of the electric fence.
Kazzappp!!! I realize that I am in the fence, my hand holding the post, my backside in the fence and my knee is on the post (and I have knee replacements that are non-magnetic but great conductors for electricity) and the next thing I realize I am on my back wondering what just happened and howling like a coyote. Kevin…He is trying to figure out what I am doing on the ground and what was that popping noise. He asked, “Preacher, did you get in that fence?” “Oh yeah,” I responded! “Well did that hurt?” he further asked. “You THINK??? Heck yes it hurt!!!” was my response. I get up and am kind of tingling. “What does he have that fenced charged with, electricity coming straight from the power line pole?”
Needless to say, I was done painting. I took my glove off, cleaned up and watched Kevin paint the last few feet of fence. Well, finish painting the fence after he got up off the ground from laughing so hard at my mishap. Nope, no sympathy from him. “I told you to stay out of it, Preacher,” was all I can remember him saying.
Oh, and he told this event to everyone we came in contact with that evening. Their response was, “Preacher, don’t you know that guy has the hottest fences in Haskell County?” “Well I do now! And this was not my intention either!”
Folks, there are many ways to light up your life for Jesus and this was not one of them. I do not recommend it. And if you are going to fill yourself with something quite electrifying I recommend the Holy Spirit not 110 volts of electricity out in the middle of a cow pasture.
Living the Electrifying Life Bro. Tim
